A note on seven-legged spiders

I was conflicted as to where to put this post. On the one hand, this is not a young adult book, and surely doesn’t belong on the young adult blog. On the other, if there’s one thing you feel when you read The Internet is a Playground by David Thorne, it’s young. This is exactly the sort of book that Perpetually Adolescent is all about, the kind that, no matter how old you are, and where in life you find yourself, immediately drags you back to your adolescence, back when things were simpler, when you were invincible and everything was the funniest thing ever. You can’t help but slip into it, and you laugh harder than you’ve ever laughed before, and you actually find yourself not reading ahead, only to savour some of the belly laughs for tomorrow. It is absolutely hilarious.

And if it were possible, I would marry the seven-legged spider.

Those that also share my love of the seven-legged spider will be happy to know that The Internet is a Playground has been added to this month’s book giveaway.

Those that have not been introduced to the seven-legged spider haven’t received what is, without a doubt, the funniest chain email ever. It’s the Susan Boyle of chain emails. I fell on the floor, in absolute hysterics at several points while reading it. I called my mother upstairs. She read it. She, too, was crying she was laughing so hard.

I thought it was a one-off article. But apparently, there’s been more, lots and lots more – and now, they’ve been put into a book. It is, without a doubt, the most joyous collection I’ve ever read. Yes, some of the featured pieces are funnier than others (I wasn’t much of a fan of the edited photos), but as a whole, I’d recommend the entire collection for you, and anyone you know.

And now, to introduce you to the seven-legged spider, featured in one of many wonderful email exchanges printed in the book. If this doesn’t sell you on David Thorne’s brilliance… well, I honestly don’t know what will:

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.19pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account

Dear David,

Our records indicate that your account is overdue by the amount of $233.95. If you have already made this payment please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.37pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,

I do not have any money so am sending you this drawing I did of a spider instead. I value the drawing at $233.95 so trust that this settles the matter.

Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.07am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account

Dear David,

Thankyou for contacting us. Unfortunately we are unable to accept drawings as payment and your account remains in arrears of $233.95. Please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.32am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,

Can I have my drawing of a spider back then please.

Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.42am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear David,

You emailed the drawing to me. Do you want me to email it back to you?

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.56am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,

Yes please.

Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 12.14pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Attached <spider.gif>

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 09.22am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Whose spider is that?

Dear Jane,

Are you sure this drawing of a spider is the one I sent you? This spider only has seven legs and I do not feel I would have made such an elementary mistake when I drew it.

Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.03am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Whose spider is that?

Dear David,

Yes it is the same drawing. I copied and pasted it from the email you sent me on the 8th. David your account is still overdue by the amount of $233.95.
Please make this payment as soon as possible.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.05am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Automated Out of Office Response

Thankyou for contacting me.

I am currently away on leave, traveling through time and will be returning last week.

Regards, David.

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.08am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Hello, I am back and have read through your emails and accept that despite missing a leg, that drawing of a spider may indeed be the one I sent you. I realise with hindsight that it is possible you rejected the drawing of a spider due to this obvious limb ommission but did not point it out in an effort to avoid hurting my feelings. As such, I am sending you a revised drawing with the correct number of legs as full payment for any amount outstanding. I trust this will bring the matter to a conclusion.

Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 2.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Dear David,

As I have stated, we do not accept drawings in lei of money for accounts outstanding. We accept cheque, bank cheque, money order or cash. Please make a payment this week to avoid incurring any additional fees.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 3.17pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

I understand and will definitely make a payment this week if I remember. As you have not accepted my second drawing as payment, please return the drawing to me as soon as possible. It was silly of me to assume I could provide you with something of completely no value whatsoever, waste your time and then attach such a large amount to it.

Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Tuesday 14 Oct 2008 11.18am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Attached <spider2.gif>

Giveaway News

It looks like we’ve cooked up the perfect cure for your Monday-itis… in the way of exciting giveaway news:

1. The absolutely hilarious The Internet is a Playground by David Thorne has been added to this month’s book giveaway. I was sent a review copy, and I’ve been laughing my way through it since it first arrived on my doorstep. Now, I have a copy to share with you all, thanks to our good friends at Fontaine Press. So, if you’re not a member, make sure you sign up today. Your funny bone will thank you.

2. As promised earlier in the month, we’re kicking off our Gone giveaway. We have 10 copies of Mo Hayder’s latest to give away (want a taste? Click here to view the exciting trailer). For your chance to win, just email me your postal address – it’s that easy! Entries close April 30. A big thanks to our friends at Random House for making the giveaway possible.