Last Night I Sang to the Monster by Benjamin Alire Saenz was such a heartbreaking and darkly beautiful book! I really truly loved it. I actually am a big fan of this author already, really loving his books of Aristotle & Dante Discover The Secrets Of the Universe and also The Inexplicable Logic of My Life! When I realised I hadn’t read this older book of his, well…that had to be fixed as soon as possible. It’s such a brutal story about the deep trauma of mental illness, abuse, addiction, and the pain of being unwanted. Basically go into this one stockpiled on chocolate and tissues because you’re going to need it.
The story follows Zach who’s in a rehab centre but doesn’t remember why. Except he’s pretty much choosing not to remember why. Terrible and dark things have happened to him but he does feel safe in this centre where everything is regulated and there are therapists who care and he has roommates who maybe have even sadder lives than he does. It’s a really deep look at depression and how it can spiral into addiction. Zach has to figure out if he’s truly hiding from his past, or if there’s something he really has to remember to help fix this situation.
The ending is such an emotional roller coaster and was absolutely glorious. I’m so pleased that a book can be about darkness, but also mix some light and hope in amongst the sadness. It’s the perfect combination of both.
Zach was an easy character to relate to and feel your heart break over. The rehab facility he’s in takes people of all kinds of addiction but he’s there specifically for his alcoholism. I actually was worried the amnesia story line would be tedious, but it’s more like suppressed memories. He’s very vocal about the fact he doesn’t want to remember. And any time we see glimpses of his path, wow kid, we understand why you don’t want to remember. He had a rough go of it. This book is seriously here to kick you in the feels.
I also loved how Zach wasn’t a passive character, even though the story really only takes place in a rehab facility. The pacing is really quite spot on and it was equal parts interesting to see Zach in therapy or talking to his friends or just listening to his thoughts and perspective of the world. It’s such a close and personal POV that you can’t help but be Zach, which I think is super impressive writing skills.
Meeting the secondary characters and learning their stories was also super emotional. Rafael was definitely my favourite and almost a surrogate dad for Zach by the end…although definitely not willing to stop pushing Zach to help himself. Because rehab is not just about being helped — you have to do the work too. At one point, Rafael writes Zach a note and it says something about girls cry but then he crosses it out and says boys cry. I loved this. It’s okay for anyone to show emotion and tears and heartbreak and it’s so important that the book spoke about it.
Last Night I Sang to the Monster is definitely the kind of story that packs a punch. It’s not a “nice” book and it’s going to lay out the darkness of abuse, addiction, and super deep depression. It’s messy and the characters make bad decisions. But the ending was perfectly balanced and it told such an important story.