Review: Carry the Ocean by Heidi Cullinan

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Carry The Ocean by Heidi Cullinan is one of those hidden gem stories that I’m so glad I stumbled upon! It’s about the struggle between highschool and college, especially when you’re trying to manage a disability or mental illness. It contrasts two boys, Jeremey and Emmet, one with anxiety and depression and one with autism, and how they meet and their lives become entwined.

Jeremey is at the end of his rope with severe depression while his family’s pushing him towards college and getting a job. Emmet, the boy next door, is a high-functioning autistic who’s extremely smart, has a fantastic job, has just started college and — has a huge crush on Jeremey. Trouble is: He knows if he approaches Jeremey, he’ll scare him off, since Emmet can be seriously direct and a little awkward with social skills. But as he works up the courage to talk to Jeremey, he realises maybe Jeremey needs him more than he thought. His illness is going untreated, while Emmet has an incredible support network, and as things in Jeremey’s life take a dark turn, Emmet wonders if there isn’t a way to help them both.

This was such a sweet and quietly empowering book! It was really refreshing to read a disability book where the tone was respectful and the aim of the book wasn’t to cure or scorn disabilities, but to talk about coping mechanisms and build up self-confidence. And also dash a huge helping of absolute cuteness into it, which I couldn’t help but love!

It does talk seriously about the dark sides of untreated mental illness. I appreciate that it wasn’t just a “downward spiral” story though. We see Jeremey go down, with his depression slowly eating away at his life, but we also see him start to rebuild himself. It’s a book about depression, but the story isn’t solely depressing. This is a really good dialogue to open up!

It’s dual narrated by both Jeremey and Emmet. They are both super sweet, with Jeremy being an absolute cinnamon puff and Emmet being so intelligent and dynamic with his knowledge. Emmet is super intense and highly attuned to feelings, and while I did think he strayed into autism “stereotype” grounds on occasion, overall I felt he was a really good representation of what life on the spectrum can look like. (Although everyone with autism is different!) I also loved how their relationship was both slow and fast, with them discovering they have major crushes on each other…but learning to support and communicate properly as well. It also had a great contrast of their parents, where Emmet’s parents were supportive and caring and Jeremey’s were in denial that anything was even wrong.

Carry The Ocean is an equal parts dark and sweet book, with plenty of hopeful messages woven amongst a beautiful story. It’s wholesome but it’s also sad, and it talks about self-acceptance, and also how hard it can be to get up everyday when you have a severe mental illness. Seeing the world through both Emmet and Jeremey’s perspectives was amazing, complex and eye-opening. They’re flawed but relatable and the story will definitely pull at the heartstrings!

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Cait Drews

Cait Drews is writer, book blogger, and reader extraordinaire. She's been blogging for 5 years, reads 200 books a year, and has written over fourteen YA novels. She is usually found hugging her bookshelves and she often eats full books before breakfast.

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